End of Year practice

Ever since I started Ashtanga Primary Series in October, I was hooked. I think I only skipped 2 classes out of the twice weekly classes I went to. I have progressed enough to a point where I now do my own ashtanga practice at home between the days where I get to go to class. My instructor is on a Christmas and new year's holiday and the last thing I did before she left was bought my own yoga towel to practice on.

I am currently using Manduka eQua towel. It's amazing. I'm VERY sweaty when I practice, and this towel kicks ass. I never slip. NEVER. And it's super long and it dries fast.

Today's practice I thought of two things:

1) My growing apprehension to do a sirsasana. It was my favorite pose ever since I nailed that one in class. I think the next day onwards I got so excited I kept doing sirsana everywhere - near the stairs, in front of my mom, before I sleep, etc. But last week I was trying to attempt raising my legs up straight all the way (I bend my knees when I raise them up), and that threw me off balance and I fell backwards. And a few times after that. After that incident, I pretty much doubt my ability to do a stable headstand again. I used to be confident on doing a headstand without having anything on my back, but now I have to have something - a wall, a bed, a chair - at my back that would anticipate me if I lost balance. That lack of confidence - mentally - threw me. I think in yoga mental strength is CRUCIAL because that mostly determines when you're ready for the pose, especially inversions. For most poses your mind is always ready but your body just isn't (like my chaturangga to upward dog transitions and my bakasana pose, more on that later) but for inversions I feel that our body can take it but our mind clamps it shut.

Today I once again fell backwards while attempting my first sirsasana. The second time, I was a bit more confident. I did it again to strengthen my mind. I NEED for myself to believe that I can do it without falling over, and that my body is strong and stable enough to carry this pose through. I have decided to chuck the idea of raising my legs straight all the way and concentrate on the fact that I CAN do a full blown unsupported sirsasana.

2) My body is getting stronger. I could see the improvements. I could lift my legs higher in Utthita Eka Padasana. I remember when I did this in my earlier yoga classes, I could barely lift it higher than knee level. And now I'm up to waist level.

My wrists don't hurt too. Amazing. In fact, they can support my body weight now. In ten full breaths. Alhamdulillah.

Will write later.