Journey of Practice

I skipped yoga today. Ladies holiday, beside, wasn't really feeling it.

I did ashtanga monday and tuesday, knowing that I wont really do ashtanga today (moon day) and the next 3 days. This time though, I am trying to let go of all expectations, and instead focusing on the breath. I often say that don't I, but this time I was adamant. Trying hard to level the in breath with the out breath (the outbreath always longer). I enjoyed the forward bends, the janu sirsana as always. I have noticed that I favor certain poses and dread certain poses. It starts from the beginning - surya namaska B is not my favorite, then the UHP, then the revolved plank, then Navasana. I always do feel happy approaching janu sirsasana, bandha konasana, supta konasana, and now wheel. Surprisingly. I love wheel now. Cant get enough of wheel.

I have also noticed that my jump back seems smoother after bandha konasana. Definitely the open hips is the main reason, which always amazes me because I feel the same, but my hips showed me otherwise (that they are more open after bandha konasana). Goes to show that you might not realize it, how your body are already reaping from the benefit of the posture.

My Garbha pindasana was the best one yet. It is obvious what a properly calculated breathing could do to make your GP roll as perfect as sushi. I came up high and did perfect 9 rounds. It's like cutting 9 slices around a big gooey cheesy cake.

I have decided to forever take out setu bandhasana. Have tried to incorporate the real setu bandhasana (charlie chaplin pose) with my hands supporting the head, but it might not work with my body and injury. I did on Monday, and felt the repercussions of it the whole entire day. On top of my always and continuous achy neck and shoulders, my left elbow and fingers were tingling and numb. Bad bad sensation. It couldnt be the finishing postures because I've done the same thing about a few weeks ago and nothing was this bad. Definitely not going to be in my practice. Maybe... I would do viparita dandasana instead. Hmmm.

Forgot to let you know that I've sort of incorporated a few poses of second series into my practice. Not an ego thing... I just feel my backbends would benefit if I could incorporate the first few postures. It's not really a real practice - straight after Urdvha D I would do the first 6 poses straight, sometimes with a tiny vinyasa in between. It is more like a backbend supplement.

Bhujaaaa

Tuesday: What a great choice, I took a vinyasa flow with Seane C, a class that concentrates on hips hips and hips. We warmed up with sun salutations a and b, and got started. It was hard! We did the fire hydrant pose first on knees which was hard enough as it is and then standing. I failed those... could not even lift up my leg! We moved to reverse lunge, a lot of warrior 2, triangle pose, bound side pose, then onto the low deep lunges for long holds. That was insane... it was just mental. We also did supine gomukhasana.

Wednesday: Full Primary... with modifications. No chaturanga... only once or twice... or thrice, can help it, but mostly I just did full plank. My current issue on the practice now is Bhujapidasana. It's funny, isn't it. This wasn't an issue for me from the starting but once you sort of get deeper you realize there are ways to deepend the pose and that's when you fail. Trying hard to get the descent down on Bhuja, as well as the transition from titibhasana to bakasana AND jump back. It's hard because I get so sweaty my legs slipped off my arms. Will have to wear pants when I practice. At least legs wont slip easily down in Kukutasana too.

Lovely practice, and now finding myself looking back forward for the udrvha dhanurasana. As always, the first three was a serious one, then the last 2 a more relaxed, stay as long as I could. Less pain on the back, if I took the time to properly lift up following noah m awesome awesome advice. Then for fun I did one dwi pada viparita dandasana. Feels good, can feel it stretching my upper back.

My left shoulder feels doubly sore right now. Have to carefully not push myself so hard on Friday.

Back to primary

After 6 days of time off, I returned to Primary. A visiting teacher is around, so I needed to take that opportunity to practice.

To be honest I caught myself going through the sequence in my head before I sleep, because it felt like forever since I rested!

I took extra care with my shoulder - skipping the chaturangga when I feel like it.

The teacher was sweet - why are they always sweet? - and didn't really adjust me much. Then came bhujapidasana. I took this chance to ask me questions - could I 'cheat' by walking my feet back and resting my head on the floor instead of slowly building strength to lower down? Yes, she said. You should do that, it will come to you later.

She taught me how to exist bhujapidasana. After bakasana, to lower my head on the floor, and kick back. By the time I wanted to try my arms were already fatigued, and when I kicked back the legs sort of fell in a heap on the floor, knocking my knees. Too tired to even kick back.

She said that I have strength.

Here's a thing I feel like I have to address: I hate practicing with other people because of my inner ego. I hate it when I mentally compare against other people... and feeling the pride when I know I am better, even to only one person. It sucks. I usually chastise myself, berate myself for feeling it but the feeling has come and gone. I do not get this when I am practicing alone at home.

5 days more!

Wednesday practice

My regular LED ashtanga class was ok yesterday, except that I let my mind wander off in certain poses. I hate how amazingly true it is: the fact that your state of mind decides how your practice is going to be for that day. I started the practice with an intention: DO NOT SHOW OFF. Which is usually the case when I realize that the other is less flexible/strong than me. This is why I love the home practice: where I have no one to compare to and can be truly myself, or the Mysore style class: where everyone is better than me and I am only one soul doing her job.

Of course there was this one lady who was already good in primary series, the other lady super flexible but that's about it. I felt some sort of a Hah! moment whenever she couldn't do what I could, and sure enough my balance faltered, I was unable to do it, I became stupid. Like Bhupidasana, was too eager to show her what I've got and I ended up being horribly stuck like never before coming down and unable to lift up. Humility.

Yin was awful. I suffered more in yin than in any other class. We did shoulder openers and I hate the Sphinx. Never really know whether to resign to the pose or use muscles to hold my shoulders.

One thing I know though: my body's betting better and stronger. I am also showing aversion in oily, nontasty food. Been thinking of being a vegetarian but I still do enjoy the meat. Maybe I should cut down.

Variation

Intro class today. As usual I enjoyed it but now I'm thinking into re-looking my practice. Doing the other hatha class and the yin class has kinda make me feel that maybe I should diversify my practice so my body does not get pounded too much too often. God knows I am prone to repetitive stress injuries.

Also, I think doing Intro is making me hard to not stay humble. It's different form mysore class, where I am a beginner, and I wasn't focused on anyone else, but doing Intro made me compare myself against others. I can't help it; it's just the competitive gene in me. I think a normal home practice would suffice.

I'm a paying member of 2 classes per week, and I can't decide whether I want to do the inversion classes or maintain one intro class or do a yin and a hatha.

Monday: Rest

Tuesday: Ashtanga

Wednesday: Ashtanga and Yin

Thursday: Hatha

Friday: Ashtanga

Saturday: Run, swim or cycle

Sunday: Cycle and Ashtanga

Still doing Viparita Karani as inversions. Dabbled with a bit of Halasana today, nothing major. Modified my fish.

Working on opening my back at the same time. It's not coming - doing the Wheel against the wall still felt stiff and achy. I do not want to push into it, do not want my lower back to hurt of all the places. Will work on doing Camel pose and Bow pose and Cobra. As well as my Forearm pump and glide, vertical hold, etc.

Namaste!

Relearning Yoga

I have to re learn my yoga. In doing that, I have to relearn my ego.

Got my MRI results. I have a disc herniation at the c5 and c6, which basically means I have a slipped disc at those two places. Thanks to alll the endless finishing sequences I did - the embryo the plough, the knees to ear thingy. I felt it on my neck - no pain just pressure, but that was enough to cause the rupture of the sac, especially when I do it everyday for more than 5 counts of breathing. My only consolation is that it isn't bad enough to affect my nerve. That's when it will get real bad for me.

So. I have to re adjust my yoga practice. Especially my Ashtanga. I have become addicted, reliant and dependable on it. I LOVE - still do - the finishing sequence because it is something I am good at. But I guess for the sake of my body I have to learn to how do them without hurting my body. Ahimsa - do no harm, right?

I will have to so a modified

- shoulderstand: with blankets aligned to the top of my shoulders.

- plow pose: with blankets aligned.

- fish pose: bolster.

And then I will continue with the exercise as mentioned in this article:

- plank glide

- plank pump

- vertical hold: dolphin plank to half headstand.

- headstand support: without legs, with legs