Journey of Practice

I skipped yoga today. Ladies holiday, beside, wasn't really feeling it.

I did ashtanga monday and tuesday, knowing that I wont really do ashtanga today (moon day) and the next 3 days. This time though, I am trying to let go of all expectations, and instead focusing on the breath. I often say that don't I, but this time I was adamant. Trying hard to level the in breath with the out breath (the outbreath always longer). I enjoyed the forward bends, the janu sirsana as always. I have noticed that I favor certain poses and dread certain poses. It starts from the beginning - surya namaska B is not my favorite, then the UHP, then the revolved plank, then Navasana. I always do feel happy approaching janu sirsasana, bandha konasana, supta konasana, and now wheel. Surprisingly. I love wheel now. Cant get enough of wheel.

I have also noticed that my jump back seems smoother after bandha konasana. Definitely the open hips is the main reason, which always amazes me because I feel the same, but my hips showed me otherwise (that they are more open after bandha konasana). Goes to show that you might not realize it, how your body are already reaping from the benefit of the posture.

My Garbha pindasana was the best one yet. It is obvious what a properly calculated breathing could do to make your GP roll as perfect as sushi. I came up high and did perfect 9 rounds. It's like cutting 9 slices around a big gooey cheesy cake.

I have decided to forever take out setu bandhasana. Have tried to incorporate the real setu bandhasana (charlie chaplin pose) with my hands supporting the head, but it might not work with my body and injury. I did on Monday, and felt the repercussions of it the whole entire day. On top of my always and continuous achy neck and shoulders, my left elbow and fingers were tingling and numb. Bad bad sensation. It couldnt be the finishing postures because I've done the same thing about a few weeks ago and nothing was this bad. Definitely not going to be in my practice. Maybe... I would do viparita dandasana instead. Hmmm.

Forgot to let you know that I've sort of incorporated a few poses of second series into my practice. Not an ego thing... I just feel my backbends would benefit if I could incorporate the first few postures. It's not really a real practice - straight after Urdvha D I would do the first 6 poses straight, sometimes with a tiny vinyasa in between. It is more like a backbend supplement.

Leg and Neck Stretch

I woke up not in the best feeling today. Scheduled in a run but body (or mind) wasnt feeling up to it. So I started with Dice's surprisingly very gentle leg flow, aimed to stretch the hips area to release stress. I didn't really feel any difference (my work problems are still there) but I do feel better, just knowing that I've done something to release the psoas and hip flexors. It was a lot of lunges, variation of lizard pose stretching to the side, virabhadrasana 2 with reverse virabhadrasana that burns the legs. Some utkatasana variation, and happy baby pose. It climaxes at the pigeon pose. Which was done a bit differently.

Then I continued with Tiffany's shoulder and neck stretch, which was INTENSE. I do not know what is it with her classes - they make me fidgety and uneasy. I guess because both classes I did with her was on the shoulders and neck, and obviously those are the body parts of mine that have the most issues (disc herniation   at C5 and C6) and carry the most stress. The side neck stretch, particularly on the right side was torturous. I surrended earlier in the poses than I would have, it was that uneasy. It wasn't painful or excruciating, I just feel uneasy. I kept imagining someone slicing through the exposed, stretched part of my neck. How's that for creeping myself out of the pose. She mentioned something really nice along the class, trying to keep our attention from the effort. She said something about having the option to take the neck out from our attention, and focus on other body parts instead. And when you let go of the tension, choose not to acknowledge it, it disappears. How right... but somehow this time my inner discomfort won.

 I've also decided that I'm going to pare down my Ashtanga for the next one week. I'm going to do a simpler version of no chaturanggas and skipping the bhujapidasana if I felt like it. My left infrasupinatus and teres minor still are achey. Really sore. Sometimes they burn. and tingle.

 Anyway, good classes today. Those two are my two favorite teachers now.

neck pain - again

I feel great this morning.

Went for a warm up run of 1.5km, just to heat my body up. And then ASHTANGA!

 It was good, except my neck feels weird. Serves me right for overriding my HUMILITY and letting EGO took over. I did unsupported headstands yesterday night and after 4 tries my neck started to take the heat. And right now all I feel is pain and pain going down my left neck and shoulder.

When will I ever learn? I CAN NEVER DO HEADSTANDS anymore. I need to be okay with just pincha and handstands as my inversion.

 Anyway, this was a normal, not deeply rooted practice. I guess this is more for routine and habit than feeling.

Friday Primary

Friday morning was sweet. Practiced at the small studio that my teacher once told me about. Nobody was there when I came. I went ahead, warmed up by the heat.

My jump through, funnily enough, made sense when I stopped being too technical about it. I got tired of either banging my foot or roughly grazing them on the mat that I stopped thinking and 'arranging' my positions and just jumped. It went in smoother than I expected. One was almost perfect. My Garbha Pidasana was good. My Bhujapidasana made me worry - after the vinyasa I think too much weight is on my forehead. Need to seek advice about it. I need to figure out how to play with the weight so not all of it are on my head. And seriously one day when my hair isn't a hassle would love to work on the Supta Kurmasana.

My Dolphin is getting better. Technically, today was a good, solid, simple practice. I skipped Urdvha Padmasana because I didn't want to hassle my neck anymore. Fish was a normal non-ashtanga fish. My Shavasana was bliss...

Would definitely practice here again :)

Relearning Yoga

I have to re learn my yoga. In doing that, I have to relearn my ego.

Got my MRI results. I have a disc herniation at the c5 and c6, which basically means I have a slipped disc at those two places. Thanks to alll the endless finishing sequences I did - the embryo the plough, the knees to ear thingy. I felt it on my neck - no pain just pressure, but that was enough to cause the rupture of the sac, especially when I do it everyday for more than 5 counts of breathing. My only consolation is that it isn't bad enough to affect my nerve. That's when it will get real bad for me.

So. I have to re adjust my yoga practice. Especially my Ashtanga. I have become addicted, reliant and dependable on it. I LOVE - still do - the finishing sequence because it is something I am good at. But I guess for the sake of my body I have to learn to how do them without hurting my body. Ahimsa - do no harm, right?

I will have to so a modified

- shoulderstand: with blankets aligned to the top of my shoulders.

- plow pose: with blankets aligned.

- fish pose: bolster.

And then I will continue with the exercise as mentioned in this article:

- plank glide

- plank pump

- vertical hold: dolphin plank to half headstand.

- headstand support: without legs, with legs

Ego does it again

I promised myself to not go too far in yoga - but alas, I thin I have.

Reading up on neck injuries relating to Headstand and Shoulderstand, it is obvious that too much weight and pressure on the back nexk (flexion of the neck) would almostinstantly lead to a lifelong, maybe irreversible injury, as taken from Yoga Journal:

What happens if your student forces her neck too far into flexion in Shoulderstand? If she is lucky, she will only strain a muscle. A more serious consequence, which is harder to detect until the damage is done, is that she might stretch her ligamentum nuchae beyond its elastic limits. She may do this gradually over many practice sessions until the ligament loses its ability to restore her normal cervical curve after flexion. Her neck would then lose its curve and become flat, not just after practicing Shoulderstand, but all day, every day. A flat neck transfers too much weight onto the fronts of the vertebrae. This can stimulate the weight-bearing surfaces to grow extra bone to compensate, potentially creating painful bone spurs. A still more serious potential consequence of applying excessive force to the neck in Shoulderstand is a cervical disk injury. As the pose squeezes the front of the disks down, one or more of them can bulge or rupture to the rear, pressing on nearby spinal nerves. This can cause numbness, tingling, pain and/or weakness in the arms and hands. Finally, a student with osteoporosis could even suffer a neck fracture from the overzealous practice of Shoulderstand.

This scares me TO DEATH. I went overboard with my knees and I never will get them back. I told myself to not go too far when doing Primary Series but apparently I have. I shudder at the thought of how many times I feel the weight of my body on the back of my neck as I did the finishing sequence... especially the Urdhva Pandmasana. I currently have limited movements to the sides, up and down. I have only myself to blame and not the teachers (although... I do think that maybe they should have cautioned us on the dangers of these poses... but then again would I listen?)

I believe I did yoga with too much ego. Even though I was doing it on my own, with no one to see and impress, I was subconsciously pushing myself to get better, faster. Who am I kidding? Good teachers take years to learn the primary series and I expect to get it after just months? I deserve to be berated.

My MRI results come out this Saturday. I will do whatever it takes to get better, including a totally modified Finishing Sequence.

One Week Off

It's been a week without any practice. My neck/shoulder hurts so bad even sleep or rest was impossible. I go in and out the house merely glancing by at the spot where I dedicatedly practice every day. It feels weird, and I wonder if the flexibility and strength would come easily.

Had MRI for my neck. Whatever the result is I'm pretty sure that I would elude Headstand for a while. I could work on other easier inversions, or pretty much just practice on the Dolphin pose until I strengthened my shoulder and back. I'm pretty apprehensive about Headstand ever since the start and then gained some confidence after but now it's back to zero again. Not to worries.

I'm going to practice and concentrate on my backbends and arm balancing instead.

My yoga insyaAllah will start tonight. If I could. Without the pain.

Pain in the Neck Asana

Ego hurts.

Ego in yoga hurts you even more.

Tuesday's class - I left the class feeling very serene and calm, a feeling I have yet to achieve when I went to the classes. It's hard to figure out why or what I did that made me come out of the class so relaxed, but I'm thinking maybe it was because I fought hard to focus only on myself, and my breathing, and to not let my ego gets in the way. It did once or twice or thrice, probably because there was a girl in it who was also showing off, and me being 'competitive' I also tried to do it better, longer and stronger. I had to continuously remind myself to stay humble, and focus on myself. I guess it worked because....

I did a full JUMPBACK and JUMPTHROUGH. It happened in an instant - the jumpback. I didn't remember how it felt, didn't even have the time to assess the mechanics of it, and when I did it again it was sketchy at best, but I remember how it felt the first time I got it right. And the jumpthroughs too, it just happened, effortlessly, and without me having to work at it. Of course when I got aware of it and try to remember the movements my feet got stuck through my arms, etc, but at least I knew I got the hang of it.

We did until Bakasana, and I was so happy I went through all and worked out. It was pretty intense, and I think I nearly passed out from the heat inside my body and outside.

But Wednesday morning I ruined it by doing a Sirsasana in the morning, which left me feeling a slight pinch in my neck, and the ache steadily grew into a full blown neck/shoulder pull until right now. I can't move properly and can't turn my neck left and right well. I suspect it IS the Headstand that have been causing - or aggravating - this neck pain. I think I might have compressed my neck vertebrae. All because I push myself to do a Headstand, thinking that if I didn't do it for a while I might have forgotten how.

I am NOT going to do a headstand until I get myself checked. I owe it to myself so much to take care of it and I'm not going to stress how important my neck is. I don't want to turn regret this like I've regretted my knees.

Headstand variations: http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/2768?page=2

Neck Pain and Numb Heel and a Bakasana How-To

My friend told me Google isn't a certified doctor, and true enough, because it has me thinking that I either have a collapsed vertebrae or a heart problem.

My left heel has been numb for a few days now and it's bothering me. Not only that, my entire left side hurts... although not simultaneously. I have a suspicion that it's because of my sirsasana, I fell over a few times in my attempts. I read that the tingling feeling correlates to nerves damage, with could be caused by a crushed vertebrae, which a headstand can bring if not done properly.

I was careful with my headstand; I made sure that my shoulders weren't going towards my elbows, that they were strong and engaged. I followed the tips to keep your heels apart and foot flexed to help my pelvis align straight over my shoulders. But I guess the damage was already done.

Of course, I could be overreacting and this could probably be due to bad sleeping position or pillow. I HAVE been battling sore neck even before doing headstands. So sore neck isn't a big issue as much as my tingly numb left heel. I'm going to get it checked out later.

Yesterday night I didn't get the chance to do any yoga. Except to pull off a few asanas. I did the Bakasana a few times during the day and before I went to sleep. I also did the Shoulder stand only because I was prepping for a Sirsasana. Yep. But I kept it simple and sweet. Wanted to repeat it, but this time I tell myself, a Sirsasana a day is enough.

I want to talk about my journey with Primary Series so far. Why do I love it? Because it's a workout. And because it's challenging, everytime. If it wasn't challenging, it would be relaxing, or a humbling experience. And because my body is changing, getting better, improving. Stamina wise, I would say it didn't increase much; still have to struggle going up the hills when I cycle. But at least it kept my heart pumping.

I also like the discipline. The day in day out routine, never changing. I'm a lover of routine; need it like a baby needs its mother's milk. Especially exercise routines.

My favorite thing since doing this Primary Series is the fact that my upper body is getting stronger. When I was doing yoga with Angie, I couldn't even do a proper Chaturangga and Upward Dog. My arms hurt, and just not strong enough. Forget about the Crane pose. And it wasn't the teacher - we only have class once a week - it was also lack of practice.

When I first started doing the Primary Series (in the Intro to Ashtanga), Bakasana was the bane of my existence. I could do the Shoulder Pressing Pose just fine, could even attempt a half a second of Titibhasana, but could. not. do. the. crane.

So with two weeks off from Yoga as my instructor went for a holiday, I promised myself that I would try every day to attempt doing the Bakasana until I finally get it.

And it wasn't pretty. I think I literally tried for days. Every morning, still in my birthday suit, I would go through all the preparations necessary; the arms shoulder width apart, tucking your knees up through your armpits, lifting your butt up high, looking forward, etc.

I fell forward many many times. Countless. I was prepared and always landed on a pillow I put before I tried the pose. I fell backwards, hurt my wrists, sweated buckets, etc. My husband even tried coaching me, telling me to find that 'balance' where things just naturally fall into place. Yeah, as if it was that easy.

I had to admit I was at times frustrated. I wanted to NAIL this pose so MUCH. I don't know why - ego? achievement? because I have always thought the pose looked cool? Maybe all three. I just knew that if I could nail this I am happy. I have managed to conquer my upper body.

I kept a routine: a few tries in the morning - maybe 5 or 6 - until my wrists hurt and BEFORe I felt seriously discouraged, and again at night, a couple tries. I always just managed to lift my butt up high and one leg up. Keeping the other leg too was the problem.

Until one day, I got it. I just did. I credit this one YoutTube video of a guy explaining the dynamics of Bakasana with all the center of axis and everything. Yep, I guess I am a true blue engineer after all, of all the Bakasana how-tos out there the ones with a physics explanation reeled me in.

He explained this much, and that is how I managed to nail it: Lift your butt up high to offset your axis. Slowly lean forward - the key is to move your shoulders OVER your wrists - and trust me, once your shoulder goes over, your feet naturally will take flight. And then it's all about stabilizing yourself. I usually try to think about keeping my butt high while focusing on my breathing and my gaze. the first time I did it, I only managed to stay for one second. But I GOT the mechanics. I understood it. The next time it was all about keeping myself steady and stable.

Whew... that was a long explanation. Maybe because I am REALLY happy I got to do a Bakasana. And only after nailing it did I understand the concept of Yoga. Your body will let you do the pose when it is ready. You cannot use brute force. You just need to practice, practice and practice. Trust me, practicing WORKS.