My thoughts on Daily Practice

What do you know it's already march.

Firstly I would like to say that I missss my YG! I miss doing yoga online with wonderful teachers and awesome sequence. Cant wait to get my internet at home.

Great update: I have started my daily ashtanga practice since 27 January. I guess Nike really tells it as it is: Just Do It! I have been mulling about starting a daily ashtanga practice but so many reasons and excuses cropped up; shoulder injury, repetition injuries, no progression, more injuries. I am just afraid of injuries.

But when work hauled me off to Turkmenistan where globalization has yet to hit, I found myself not having the Internet as a source of my yoga sessions. As horrifying and bad as it sounds, it forced me to replace my Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays vinyasa sessions to ashtanga. Hence, daily practice.

It is crazy, and somewhat less of a big deal as my mind made it to be. It's just, after all, a yoga practice. I find that if I focus on the breathing the time flew by. But that doesn't mean it came easy. Every single morning at 510am I find myself wondering if I could simply finish the full primary. Sometimes I get discouraged halfway - what... only in Janu sirsasana? still a long way to go - but I forced my thoughts out of my head and just, do it, like a robot.

Physically, what has improved? You'll love my answer: Bhujapidasana!

I could now drop on my forehead and slip my feet through without 'walking' them on the floor... and lift myself up again easily! It is so smooth that I have forgotten how HARD it was for me to GET it. Just as I can't remember how it was for me to learn to drop my heels after Supta Konasana.

UHP used to be so good in Turkmenistan but back home I am struggling with the left standing side. I am thinking maybe it is the dark dim room (I practice with no lights on, only the hallway light) that affects my balance, but it is a good practice nevertheless.

Non Ashtanga related:

Wonderful backbends: can do eka pada raja kapotasana with my hands grasping my foot and my foot touching my head. My fingers now touch the floor when I do Wild Thing. Dwi Pada Viparita Dandasana is wonderful as always.

CAN FINALLY DO HEADSTAND. Unsupported.

musing

A new breakthrough in my primary series practice: improved jump back.

It happened to suddenly. I can't remember whether it was the Monday practice or today, but I managed to lift up and swing my legs through. I used to not be able to do that. I am right now recalling what I used to do, but I can't. because the swinging back feels natural. I think I used to lift and somewhat scuffle back.

Although I am able to swing, I still don't have the strength to shoot my legs back, probably because I have no strength to lower my body after I swung my legs through. This morning, I tried it throughout the practice and I did all of the jump back effortlessly, just lift and swing, nothing heavy, nothing resisting. Its just amazing. I was amazed, and just wow.

My handstand hops are still horrible. Hips still not moving over shoulders. I think 90% of it is the fear. Sometimes I get it, and it feel wonderful the flight. But today I did not.

I held a half sirsasana, not pushing to keep my legs straight. it felt good , minimal weight on head, shoulders strong and engaged. My neck's not feeling too chuffed and I wonder if it's due to sirsasana or the Urdvha Dhanurasana I have been practicing, putting my head on the floor before I lift up.

2012 Reflections

My yoga journey thus far has been such a great great help in my life. I went through very difficult times emotionally and mentally with the help - the discipline - of yoga alone. Last month, ashtanga has ceased to be somewhat a foreboding experience, in fact, if I approach it as a breathing exercise the poses just flew by quickly. I also began to enjoy surya namaskar because I am working on my jumping. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. Today, I got it on the last try, the hip over wrists, balancing for milisecond.

I have been practicing Ashtanga for 14 months.

Here I wrote last January:

I've told you that my target list for 2012 is to:

1) master Jump Throughs and Jump Backs

2) Do a good Setu Bhandasana and Wheel Pose

3) Half Moon Pose

4) Try a Mysore class

So what happened here?

1) I have yet to 'master' them but I have somewhat a unique way of doing the jump through and jump back. My jump back, on good days after bandha konasana, I could swing through, but could not till chaturanga yet. My jump throughs are better, I could easily swing through, although right now I am practicing lifting my legs up and putting them down with control. Control is key.

2) I have decided to let go of Setu Bandhasana due to my neck injury. Attempted it again in November after feeling that my neck could take it, but just one try and I felt the repercussion all the way down to my left fingers. I am okay with a normal bridge. If I am feeling adventurous then I'd do a dwi pada viparita dandasana. Urdhva D is now my favorite! I love it. Could do 5 breaths 5 times. And currently working on walking my hands towards my ankles. It's simply simply amazing how this was the bane of my practice with the pain - it was a teeth grinding pain really - and now it feels wonderful, open, and intense (of course, its a serious backbend, you've still got to feel it!)

3) Half Moon Pose - forever a favorite pose. I could do it now, and currently working on doing it without my hand supporting me. 

4) Oh Mysore style class. I started with Ganesh's class. Then it was with Liz, then went to London and did it with Sarai, then Laruga and Kiri. As much as I love Mysore style class I also LOOOOOVE home practice where I don't have to worry about my body odor, or being distracted in UHP or my ego getting in the way. As much as that is a good practice to  strengthen my mind, I could sharpen it with once in a while classes.

What are the other benefits of practicing yoga?

1) Nailed Dwi Pada Viparita Dandasana. One of my favorites. I saw it first on Kathryn B, and I was intrigued with the degree of chest openess it requires. I worked so much at it, daily with a block, and once my Urdvha D got stronger I find it is effortless to drop into Dwi Pada. It's a goooood thoracic opener.

2) Nailed handstand and pincha on the wall. Slowly working on my strength, building the hold to more than 10 seconds. I have yet to consider trying to balance. My left shoulder is still refusing to open effortlessly, I still need to do stretches to make it feel good. 

3) Because I have been working on Dolphin and Pincha a lot, I could do a salamba sirsasana without wall assistance now, and FEEL the difference. Before, I did not even feel my shoulders. Now, I could feel it strong, engaged, steady, allowing my neck to breathe. In fact, my head barely takes the weight, whereas before I could feel the whole bodyweight pushing into my head. I only would do this in short spurts, just to strengthen my core so that I could learn to balance in pincha without a wall.

4) Chaturanga feels better - no pain on front of shoulders. I continously work on this, being mindful every time I drop down, making sure my alignment is correct.

5) Uttrasana feel great, can bend backwards now without support from my hands on the back of my thighs. PRACTICE!

6) Parsva Bakasana - can hold it for a few seconds now, without my butt resting on the shelf of my elbows.

Firelog pose still is hard to do, the funny thing is I can't figure out why, and which part needs work. I still can't do the full Bhujapidasana, nevermind the vinyasa. 

Yummy Practice

I have noticed a pattern.

When I practice ashtanga, I do the full primary series in the comfort of my own place. I do it every other day, with either hatha or vinyasa flow or yin in between. Reason? I do not want to overwork my injury prone body. Or maybe that is only an excuse. Maybe I am lazy to commit, to devote myself to a full 6 days practice.

I will get there.

However, when a visiting teacher comes and teaches at the KL shala I go to, I would take the full advantage to come and commit to a 6 day classes. And usually, it would be back to back. Only then I get to practice straight.

The first time I did it, it was 2 months ago. And I noticed that I began to feel lethargic and sick on the third day. It was such a horrible feeling, that laziness, that urgency NOT to get up and practice. Wanting a break. I had fever. I had sore throat. I just did not feel good. I went anyway, pushed myself and it went ok. I left the practice wondering if it was normal but Google didn't really tell me anything. Maybe it is just me.

Then it is happening again. Yesterday way my second day. It was, to be honest, a simple good practice. My bhujapidasana jump back was still horrible, but my urdvha dhanurasana was the deepest, and the most pain- free yet. I felt nothing, not even a twinge. It was amazing. The teacher helped deepened the pose by pulling my upper chest back and it felt realllly good. I wanted to continue but she was pushing me to pashimottasana. My left shoulder felt ok. I was careful.

Later that day, I felt it, the fever building up. And then my throat started to get sore. My head feels heavy, I felt sick. The same timing, the same symptoms. This seems too... precise to be a coincidence. Maybe this is the result of a straight back to back practice. And this decides whether you're devoted enough to commit and push to establish yourself a full 6 day practice. I know committing to a 6 day practice isn't easy, but if this is the preview of how you are going to feel it is a little scary. All that strength emotionally to fight your internal laziness, your reasoning of giving space to your body to 'relax'.

Today was a delicious, yummy practice. Everything was going well. I focused on my breathing a lot; attention did stray but I quickly reigned it in. My vinyasas weren't getting better, but the best part about it is that I don't really care. I have kept at this for a year, long enough to know that when the time comes, it comes. So many poses held evidence to that testimony: upavistha konasana, UHP, navasana, garbha pindasana. Today as I flowed through my garbha I noticed that touching my fingers to my head as I rolled up felt effortless, as was landing on my calves in supta konasana. And a few months back these two were so hard, so unimaginable to me. It really does work in your favor - practice, and hard work, and mindful alignment.

The teacher pushed me deep in urdvha dhanurasana again today, which I did 4 just for extra work. It felt goood. And as usual, my the UHP was the most dreaded part in the practice. With her holding to my feet I kinda have a hard time balancing, but it felt nice to let the feet rest instead of doing all the work. But for Supta Hasta Padangusthasana she strongly pushed on my straight thigh and asked me to lift up to kiss my knees. I did it! alhamdulillah.

Happy Baby

I skipped Wednesday practice because I came back home late and had to go to work early. No way out for me.

Last week I was dedicated. And it felt good. This week, I did only Monday and this morning. But this morning's practice was good. A little bit scattered... I noticed my focus and attention weren't really 100% good, at some parts my attention waned, my mind wandered off. It was obvious when I did Garbha Pindasana, the rolls weren't flowing as freely as it often did. My breathing wasn't really ujayyi at certain times. I found myself working through my inner turmoils, letting my mind wander to certain circles of issues I do not allow myself to think about on normal days, normal hours. Right then in the practice they resurfaced. Little things, random things too, popped through my awareness, saying their hellos.

 I enjoyed the practice nevertheless. Would have loved to have a longer Urdhva dhanurasana but it was good enough.

 I have missed doing classes online! Can't wait to get the connection for it.

My Chaturanga 'shoulder's don't even feel sore AT ALL anymore. It's like, why were they ever hurting again?? I feel like the problems of sore shoulder were in a distant past. I do though, still keep an eye on my lowering of the body just so it doesn't dip any lower than it should. I am also trying to make my shoulders move down and away from the ears when I dip. I do not know whether I do that but sometimes I have sore neck and I wonder maybe I've been hunching them involuntarily.

I am grateful for today's practice.

Pain free Chaturanga

Progress on yoga has been slow, but steady.

 Have I mentioned the breakthrough I made based on last Friday's primary practice? I was reading up on the proper chaturanga alignment because my shoulders were killing me and I could sense the rate of degradation they are facing. So with the help of several googled articles and yoga journal's invaluable alignment articles, I learned how to really set my body up for chaturangga. Of course, Im no yoga teacher, therefore might need proper tweaks to make it 'perfect'.

 But, the MOST OBVIOUS sign that I am doing chaturanga better is that the front of my shoulders do not hurt anymore! What an amazing discovery. Ever since I started ashtanga yoga the front of my shoulders have been taking the brunt. And it's amazing that I keep abusing it week after week and not really give a damn, or not caring enough to do something about it. I have read that if you activate the right chaturanga muscles, the front of your shoulders shouldn't hurt, while your serratus anterior and all the back muscles would feel it.

Friday I was adamant to work on my chaturanga. And what I realized that all these while, even though I am aware I should NOT do it, I was lowering my shoulders below my elbow, making the angle to be less of 90 degrees as chaturanga envisions us to be. I am suprised when I finally figured it out as I always thought my shoulder don't dip but I still feel it in my shoulders the very next day. But that Friday I was surprised to find out that I have been going down lower than I should be. And for the whole primary series I spent my chaturanga looking either to my right or left shoulder to make sure it is not going down below my elbow.

 And the next day - my upper back hurts! Well, good sore, but still. It literally means i've been activating them as I should. There is no soreness on my shoulders, which feels amazing! And it ONLY took me a year to figure this out -___-.

 Sunday was spent anchoring my proper chaturanga alignment, sort of imprinting the muscle memory. I admit it is hard work, making me dread the vinyasas a little bit more, but that's the beauty of primary series. I find that suffering or working through difficulties of a pose to get it right makes it so much easier and better. I remember when chaturanga with my knees off were horrible.

Hatha today!

home pracice

I did something I've never done before: pummeled and ploughed my way through an ashtanga practice.

 I did it in 60 minutes. Started at 615, and finished at exactly 715... after shavasana.

 I just knew it, KNEW it, that I needed the practice. And time was running out, but I was adamant. I want to do a full practice, even with the vinyasa. and the only way I knew how without compromising the integrity of the practice is to do it in a non-stop flowy way, without taking the time to move slowly and enjoying the transition. Oh I still enjoy the whole practice. In fact, the ujjayi breathing was still present, and drishti were 60% there. But it was just so good for my body and mind.

 I thought I was pregnant. But I don't know. Hope is still there but it might not be. So without really putting much thought into it I did the full primary even with the unmodified marichyasana series. The practice a few days back I was doing the modified mary series - Mary C and D the opposite way.

 It was good, and I enjoyed the practice... tiring but it was because I was pushing it. My bhuja still sucks. Need to get back into the early morning post.

Pre Iftar primary

Yesterday was a good Primary - because I finished it in one session, even with Savasana, although that Savasana was only for 5 mins.

 I started at 6 and finished at 725. Perfect timing for iftar.

 Not too tired or thirsty or drained, but I felt strong instead. Excited to do this. However halfway through Janu Sirsasana I was thinking how nice if I was at the finishing postures right now.

 Things that baffles me: my chaturranga. Ever since I figured out how to 'round my upper back' I worried that maybe I've been coming down to chaturranga in a pike position - that is, butt high in the air. When i consciously lowered my hip my upper back automatically collapsed, even if I tried it with all my might to round it. I guess the strength isnt there yet. Need to work on it. Otherwise things felt good, no hiccups, still working on the Chakrasana, and the Urdhva Padmasana, the latter I am not that bothered. Come to think of it, even if I never nailed Chakrasana I think I would be ok. It will come and if it doesn't yoga is not just asanas.

Registered for yogaglo. yay!!

Split wednesday!

Quirky practice yesterday.

 I knew I wouldn't have enough time to squeeze in a full practice in one go, so I did what I had to do: split them.

 I did the surya namaskar and standing poses before iftar, went to the shop did my stuff and then came back and continued with the sitting and finishing poses afterwards. It was more relaxing and definitely not pressurizing for me. The standing poses felt magical! I didnt really sweat but it was a good workout! I love it when your breath and your focus and movement go together. My uthitta hasta pandangustasana felt steady and balanced, and I could lift my legs up to my knee now.

 sitting poses as usual, my jump thorugh and jump back has somewhat improved maybe 2 percent, but it was significant to me. I am now working on doing the full supta kurmaasana complete with the correct vinyasa getting out of it. Also with garbha, although my arms would be tired. I am also practicing to straighten my legs in navasana, no easy feat I tell you!

 It was a well deserved shavasana.

 Tuesday:
I did a normal sequence of bound lunge, triangle pose, reverse triangle, locust, warrior three reverse half moon. I also did the core strengthening exercises - the side plank and jumping from bakasana as taught by kino. and I practiced on my side crow - getting there! hehe. alhamdulillah!

ramadhan primary

First ashtanga practice in ramadhan, post iftar. It was physically tiring, maybe because I didn't really drink a lot of water. I did a complete primary (complete being with half vinyasa) up until upavistha konasana and then I moved on to one bridge and one wheel, the final 3 postures and then savasana which was well and much deserved. I missed the practice and enjoyed it so much. I totally loved the janu sirsasana series because I get to relax.

 I'm getting better in Utthita Hasta Padangustasana. It's will always be a hit or miss posture but today it was a miss.

update

Wednesday:

Primarry LED, but up until Bandha Konasana because time was limited. It was good. Worked my body. Then it was the yin class, lots of hip openeers, the lizard, the baddha konasana, the virasana, upavistha konasana, etc.

Friday:
Full Primary and it was awesome. Then a vinyasa class, with humble warrior, bound triangle, half moon pose, crow, Urdvha Dhanurasana variation, etc.

Easy A

Yesterday was easy Primary.

 I didn't have much time, but I still wanted to do ashtanga. So I started with the same even breath. But for the sitting position I omitted the vinyasa in between and only lift up in Lolasana. I only managed to do up until Kurmasana. It was ok though. I had fun working my body again.

Recap

Wednesday:

 Great primary. Well actually I cant remember much cause its Friday. But it was no different than any other primary. My shoulders werent sore, so I was able to work the half vinyasas. The wheel greatly improved, loves it, thanks larugaaa. Garbha flowed beautifully. I did dolphin instead of headstand. And I incorporated the correct amount of vinyasa this time around. one before shoulder stand, one after sirsasana, and one after tolasana. It was tiring but I was glad I did it.

Thursday:

Tired, but still wanted to practice.

- core salutations x1
- warrior 1
- warrior 2
- bound pose
- intense side stretch
- half moon

Backbends sequence like tuesday. Worked on natarajasana with straps. king pigeon.

Friday:

ashtanga led this morning. this time I was exhausted. my shoulders ached and burned. my sides felt intense, especially during a downward dog. all downward dogs. we did only until navasana but I was glad for the half practice. my energy level was low. I did a wonderful wheel. loved it. we did headstand... and she made me do one. In a way I was ready; felt that my shoulder had gained some strength with all the work I did. I managed to balance a little bit. Definitely wasnt as easy as it was before.

later I did a vinyasa class. I LOVED this.

warmup: pushing our back up towards the ceiling, rounding, working to perfect the arms balancing postures. downward dog with bend elbows, that was hard work. downward dog stretching the calves, loved it too. then fire hydrant pose. That realllly worked my tight hips. Fired the sides of my hips in places I can't quite place. We also did the fire hydrant pose in a downward dog version. loves it.

 then we proceeded. Today it was gentle, bound triangle, which reallllly worked my legs. maybe doing it again tomorrow. a hunble warrior with a gomukasana arms. then halfmoon.

for standing poses it was the bound parsva konasana, the third series balancing lotus thingy, cobra, and a dropback. she made me do it! I can't believe it. I was shaking and felt intense going down but when I lifted my hands back it felt natural. I can't wait to do it again! Maybe against the wall.

My whole body is achy right now. loves it.

Primary Monday

Full primary yesterday.

 It was good, just what I needed. Wasn't really focused much because my husband keeps talking to me and he was playing really loud music. My cats keep coming up to me to. I would have been frustrated if this has been another day or practice, but yesterday I was welcoming all the chaos in my surrounding. Sure sometimes I lost count about my breath, but I was just glad that I was able to do my practice. It doesn't take much eh?

My right shoulder started to reallllly ache after garbha pindasana, so I omitted the vinyasas in between and just pause before poses. I love working on urdhva dhanurasana now... love taking the time to work on my shoulder alignment before lifting up. Feels good and my back isn't in pain, just feeling intense.

I nailed the vinyasa for supta konasana! Well, thanks to the mysore teacher but now I can do it without the fear of crashing my heels on the floor.

 Poses I am working for now:

1) Side Crow: Getting the hang of it :) shoulder feels stronger!
2) Natarajasana: Love the challenge of opening and rotating my shoulders for this pose and it's a backbend and a balancing pose all in one.
3) Firelog pose

Poses that I can do now:
1) Handstand against the wall
2) pincha mayurasana against the wall
3) dwi pada viparita dandasana (but need to lift my head off)
4) mermaid pose: loves this. it feels natural
5) Bakasana
6) Half Moon Pose: I can't believe I can do this! Practice rocks!
7) Bound half moon pose: another favorite :)

Last day of Mysore style

Last day with the visiting teacher.

 She was amazing, and because this is the first time I've actually practiced with a teacher more than 2 days I kind of feel attached. I guess I miss the feeling of having someone knowledgeable to tell you the tips and tricks of doing ashtanga, someone you can just ask instantly, "Should I be doing this? should I be doing that?"

 What I learned today:
 Oh wow I can finally do the vinyasa for the supta konasana! It took me a couple of tries, but the teacher was gentle, asking me to really pull my legs toward me and them using my core strength to control the landing forward and I DID IT I landed on my putty calves instead of heels!

 We worked on Chakrasana as well and I'm still working on building the strength to lift myself up enough to allow my head to roll out, but I'm still stuck.

 The wheel now feels soo much harder now that I learned to use my whole arms correctly. Urgh, but it's a welcoming distraction from worrying about my lower back.

 Now that I'm back to my square self, I'm thinking of maybe enrolling to mysore while I'm here. Ramadhan is coming so the I have to be quick.

5th day :)

5th Day!

 I can't believe it. I never did more than 2 straight days in a row of ashtanga :)

 The third day was the worst. I felt tired, sluggish and weak. No energy to even jump or focus on the jump.

 Today was beautiful. Maybe it's all in the mind. I got to focus on my jump throughs, my chaturrangga, my poses my breathing. The teacher helped me on my Trikonasana A again, which when asked she said she was deepening my pose. I thought I was doing something wrong.

 She also taught me how to do the vinyasa from Padmasana after my Kukkutasana. It was hard but worth it. So much core power. She said it was ok to do less than 9 rolls but maybe I should strive for 5.

 I got her advices on the wheel. It was eye opening. All this while my arms weren't even straight... the elbows were splayed out, it wasn't stacked therefore did not feel light. It was hard work and I needed to rest before attempting again. I'm going to attempt to do 5... with rest. My usual practice was to just go through Urdhva Dhanurasana to finish it. Now I gotta change my mindset to really enjoy it even it if was the last pose.
 in primary.

Rest day for the weekend. Maybe some light running or cycling.

And last day with the teacher on Monday :( I really like her.

Good Practice

Day 4 of guided mysore style.

 Practising with sweet the teacher has been a blessing. She's gentle and has a soft voice and her adjustments are always appreciated.

 Today she adjusted me specifically again in Utthitta Trikonasana A. Something about my pelvis and back leg placement. I tried to commit the feeling to my memory but might need to be adjusted by her again to get it right. She also corrected me in Upavistha Konasana A, asking me to keep straightening my legs when I lift them up, using my core. She adjusted the placement of my hands grasping the feet, asking me to point my legs. I appreciated that she taught me on the Urdhva Muka Pashimottasana, which was hard work with toes pointing but felt better. I tried the Urdvha Dhanurasana properly, lowering my head to the floor and lifting up, but by the second round my 5 breaths were short and hurried, and the third time my right upper arm at the socket started to feel intense and my breaths were starting to be ragged. Definitely can't do 5 rounds.

 As usual the Utthita Hasta Padanghustasana really worked me. I find that my balance was out of control when I know I'm not alone. My standing leg burned, which has never happened before. This pose and the next two following it would remain as my dreaded pose ever. Because it's hard and requires strength AND flexibility. She left me alone today however for this pose, but helped me on the reclining version, the Supta Hasta Padanghustasana. Ooh the core work,

 My Supta Kurmasana is growing beautifully. Easier to bind my feet together. No intense pressure.

 Also today I greatly tuned my Chaturranga. I have always worried that my upper back sinks when I do them, and that this contribute to my rotator cuff problems. Today while doing my Surya Namaskar, saw the lady behind me doing her Chaturranga. Her back was rounded, and she kept her arms close to her. I tried it and it felt better. Not much work on the arms like yesterday. It was really nice.

 Two days left before she leaves. I'm reconsidering upping my days with her.

Getting sick

Third Day of Guided Mysore Style.

 And I think I have a fever. Either that or I'm very very very tired. Woke up at 540 every morning. Left the house at 630 and start practice at 7am. After that its full on working till 5 where I'd drive and prepare to sleep.

 I don't know if this lethargy is due to lack of sleep or the hazy weather or the fact that I did full practice for 3 days in A ROW. I've never done that before. Id be too scared to hurt my rotator cuff or to get bored of it. But there's something about practicing with the visiting teacher. She's sweet, not to demanding and I love the energy in the room.

This time she helped me with my Urdhva Dhanurasana. I am told to practice to get 5 breaths, lower my head to the floor, lift up again and repeat up for FIVE rounds. I can barely do 3. I hate that my lower back feel intense, not painful, just intense... bordering on pain. Also that my left arm is longer than my right, which makes my urdhva dhanurasana a bit wonky and unstable. She corrected the placing of my feet, they were splayed out a little bit. I was wondering why she didnt offer to do a dropback to me when she did to another practitioner, but I decided that I am not ready for it, and she knows.

 I am researching about the possiblity of feeling sick after doing primary straight for days. I certainly do not feel good.

Update

Monday was my No Yoga Yoga.

 Felt very sluggish, disheartened and tired. I did drag myself to the mat, managed a half assed surya A before I really caved in. I am tired. Full stop. Knowing when to not do yoga, was my yoga for Monday.

 Tuesday I did Primary. Couldn't help it. That's the Type A 'triathlete' obsessive athlete in me. I felt like I missed a workout therefore have to replace. It was the most scattered practice ever. Didn't really stop and mull, I just went through it, pose by pose, jump through jump back and before I knew it, it was done. I only skipped Headstand. I did it in 75 minutes. The practice I mean.

 Aside from ashtanga, I am also working on Parsva Bakasana. It's hard... and apparently I have to be able to hold Chaturranga dandasana, Navasana, Handstand and Warrior 3 for at least 45 seconds before I have the strength to do most arm balances.

Today.. let's see if I want to do another primary... with my sore shoulder or rest and do normal yoga.

Taksim calling

I am in Istanbul. I could only imagine before yesterday that I could be here.

 You know, I was thinking, how yoga has changed my life. I hardly ever do this reflection, but I catch myself thinking about the changes in and out, mostly when I'm faced with a situation that years ago I knew I would have freaked.

I am more calmer. Yes this is obvious. I don't know when, but I do know it's both yoga and my religion. Like I said before, yoga strengthened my religious beliefs because it really brings my attention to what I already have instead of what I could have or wanted. It's that simple. Life is here. It might be hard, or bad, or unfair, or totally awesome. Ride on it, like a wave. If it's bad right now, hang in there - someone has it worse. If it's good right now, alhamdulillah, remember that someone does not have what you have.

I eat better. You know again, I do not know how yoga influence this, but I do know that I made a lot of changes after seriously practicing yoga (and by serious I try to keep a 6x a week practice, home or classes). I worked hard to keep my body healthy that eating all the junk just counters whatever good I have done. And I don't really think twice about not having it. I tell myself that some people just dont have the luxury of eating it. But when I do get to eat food that I love, I am appreciative. Subhanallah.

 There are actually more that I could see but they all stemmed from being calm. My attitude's adjusting so well that I am so grateful to find ashtanga when I did. And also how it deepened my faith.

 Anyway, today I did the primary series. It was... weird. My concentration was so haphazard, off the rack. If I had videotaped myself I would have looked like an ADD doing yoga. I stopped mid asana to adjust the mat, I stopped and for no reason just stared into space mulling and thinking before continuing. I did not even sweat that much. Nevertheless, my garbha flowed beautifully. Alhamdulillah.