Ego does it again

I promised myself to not go too far in yoga - but alas, I thin I have.

Reading up on neck injuries relating to Headstand and Shoulderstand, it is obvious that too much weight and pressure on the back nexk (flexion of the neck) would almostinstantly lead to a lifelong, maybe irreversible injury, as taken from Yoga Journal:

What happens if your student forces her neck too far into flexion in Shoulderstand? If she is lucky, she will only strain a muscle. A more serious consequence, which is harder to detect until the damage is done, is that she might stretch her ligamentum nuchae beyond its elastic limits. She may do this gradually over many practice sessions until the ligament loses its ability to restore her normal cervical curve after flexion. Her neck would then lose its curve and become flat, not just after practicing Shoulderstand, but all day, every day. A flat neck transfers too much weight onto the fronts of the vertebrae. This can stimulate the weight-bearing surfaces to grow extra bone to compensate, potentially creating painful bone spurs. A still more serious potential consequence of applying excessive force to the neck in Shoulderstand is a cervical disk injury. As the pose squeezes the front of the disks down, one or more of them can bulge or rupture to the rear, pressing on nearby spinal nerves. This can cause numbness, tingling, pain and/or weakness in the arms and hands. Finally, a student with osteoporosis could even suffer a neck fracture from the overzealous practice of Shoulderstand.

This scares me TO DEATH. I went overboard with my knees and I never will get them back. I told myself to not go too far when doing Primary Series but apparently I have. I shudder at the thought of how many times I feel the weight of my body on the back of my neck as I did the finishing sequence... especially the Urdhva Pandmasana. I currently have limited movements to the sides, up and down. I have only myself to blame and not the teachers (although... I do think that maybe they should have cautioned us on the dangers of these poses... but then again would I listen?)

I believe I did yoga with too much ego. Even though I was doing it on my own, with no one to see and impress, I was subconsciously pushing myself to get better, faster. Who am I kidding? Good teachers take years to learn the primary series and I expect to get it after just months? I deserve to be berated.

My MRI results come out this Saturday. I will do whatever it takes to get better, including a totally modified Finishing Sequence.

First Practice Post Injury

Yesterday was first home practice.

I swore to take it easy. I swore to focus on what I could do, what my body allows and to really appreciate my breathing.

I did a slow and lovely Surya Namaskar A and B, 5 each, not jumping back (to avoid weight and pressure on shoulders) but stepping back instead. I tried to allow my body follows my breathing, to make sure my downward dog isn't sketchy (the breathing). I absorbed everything around me. My cat, etc.

Then I did a slow set of Standing Postures. No pressure, no overstretching. Whatever that feels good, I maintain. My left knee hurts a little bit, but this time I let that pain go. There's nothing I could do for that knee anymore. And I am ok with that.

Standing postures were good, I breathed full 5 breaths. On postures where I think I need more work (Parivrtta Parsva Konasana) I stayed for 6 breaths each. As usual Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana and the next 2 kill me. It was hard enough to make me sweat bad!

I finished with Tolasana. No inversions.

Can't wait to get stronger :)

One Week Off

It's been a week without any practice. My neck/shoulder hurts so bad even sleep or rest was impossible. I go in and out the house merely glancing by at the spot where I dedicatedly practice every day. It feels weird, and I wonder if the flexibility and strength would come easily.

Had MRI for my neck. Whatever the result is I'm pretty sure that I would elude Headstand for a while. I could work on other easier inversions, or pretty much just practice on the Dolphin pose until I strengthened my shoulder and back. I'm pretty apprehensive about Headstand ever since the start and then gained some confidence after but now it's back to zero again. Not to worries.

I'm going to practice and concentrate on my backbends and arm balancing instead.

My yoga insyaAllah will start tonight. If I could. Without the pain.

Disproportionate ME

Yesterday night was home practice. Skipped Mysore class because I felt super tired, wouldn't do good to push myself that morning. Come evening and I was itching to exercise.

This time I did not cheat - a half vinyasa every single side and pose. I skipped the full vinyasa... maybe if I really want to burn more I would do the full vinyasa after Kukkutasana. I found that it gets easier when you don't think too much about the tiredness of it all.

One thing I realized: I have a shorter arm at my right side. I only realized it when I was doing Wheel and trying to straighten my arms and my left side was not fully straight. And when I tried doing the preparatory pose of a putting your head on the floor with your hands cradling your head, my right elbow did not quite reach the floor. I tried doing the modification of Kapotasana, and the same thing. My left arm reaches the wall first, which made the bending back difficult cause I was misaligned.

I would have to ask my teacher about this.

So, home practice: My jump through have improved somewhat. I probably nailed a near perfect jump through 60% of the time. My jump back needs more work, especially the swing through. I need to keep in mind that I should use the swinging momentum (just like in Bhujapidasana) to send my legs through and back. Sometimes it happened; most of the time it didn't. But I wasn't stressing. I have come to learn that in yoga, like any other poses, all you need is practice practice and practice.

As usual struggled a little bit in Utthita Hasta Padanghustasana and the next pose following it. It's just so hard to keep things balanced while keeping your lifted foot pointed. I nailed Bhujapindasana this time... need to work on keeping my feet off the floor while lifting up. I managed to put my feet behind my head sitting up in Supta Kurmasana, but wasn't able to go fully down.

I didn't do headstand... promised myself not to do it until after I get myself checked. But I did the preparatory pose; the Dolphin. Just to strengthen my shoulder. Skipped Setu Bandhasana too, and did the Bridge instead. When I did the Wheel, the disproportion of my arm startled me - especially after I tried other backbending poses. Right now reading up on articles of how to warm your body up to do backbend. Didn't know I have a stiff upper back.

Maybe a Mysore class tomorrow? I don't know...

First Mysore Style!

I guess I can cross that off my list :)

I loved it when I did things unexpectedly. The decision was brief and quick, last evening. I did a very minimal Ashtanga sunday morning before work - just Sun Salutations and the first 3 standing poses and didn't feel it was enough. So I checked out my local yoga center that does Mysore style and it is open for the CNY holidays! I confirmed my participation, and got ready for the class.

Truth to be told, I was nervous about Mysore style practice. So many things I needed to know: can you make a toilet break? Are you supposed to wait for the teacher to guide you everytime even if you knew the coming pose? Can you sit and rest? What happens if you want to stop? I searched the net for questions like these and nobody wrote about them. But I figured well, it's CNY holiday, so not a lot of people are going to come anyway.

I didn't know what to think when I was driving to the center. I purposely kept my mind blank and to just accept anything that comes when it does. Got lost looking for the center - at 640 am in the morning! - and had to google it to find it. It was obscured, small and definitely not flashy. I walked up the stairs and saw already some practitioners deep in their practice.

Ganesh asked me to put my mat (borrowed their mat, brought my own mat towel) in front and left me for a while. I didn't know what to do, so I started in Tadasana, and started to do my Surya Namaskara A. He gently guided me throughout the room, telling me to inhale, lift up and exhale, jump back again and again. His counting was slower than my own, and I relished that. After I was done with A, I stood for a moment not knowing whether I should continue, then I started with Surya Namaskara B. He adjusted my feet and then let me be. He added one extra Surya Namaskara B and I thought he was punishing me for continuing on without his guidance. But then he proceeded to let me be with standing poses.

I was confused at that time whether I should wait for his instructions or continue. Didn't know whether it was rude to continue, or whether it was considered selfish if I expected him to keep guiding me. In the end whatever he could guide me I followed, and if he paused for more than a few moments I continued. No big changes to how I was doing my standing postures back home, except that it was true - you lift up by INHALING. I guess I have to secretly do it while at my Intro class. Also I thought I'd be embarrassed by the fact he was guiding me with the whole studio listening, but it wasn't like that. I AM a beginner, a first timer, they all know that, and some of them were engrossed in their own postures to even care.

Seated postures, I keep on waiting for Ganesh to stop me, considering this is my first time, and I expected him to stop me after Mary D, which I did and he let me. But he asked me to continue to Bhujapidasana and I did. Didn't manage to swivel smoothly down though. The vinyasa to titibhasana, then Bakasana. For the Kurmasana it felt good, and then he adjusted me to Supta Kurmasana, which hurt a little bit as he pulled it in place, but I managed to be bound in that position - head behind my neck!!! It felt nice.

Wondering if he'll ever stop me because I don't really memorize the pose after Kukkutasana, but continued anyway to Garbha Pindasana, which went well. So GLAD for my own home practice! Honestly. Kukkutasana was awesome. Then moved on to Cobblers Pose... onwards. Chakrasana, etc. I only skipped Setu Bhandasana and Headstand.

Doing the Wheel pose was a bit excruciating as he pressed my body up higher. Now I know my target poses - backbends. My spine is tight from the backbends, and it hurt, good hurt. Though. Didn't manage to hold it until his count. So I did the finishing sequence.

All in all, it was good. Great. Felt just like doing it at home, except you have someone to guide you. Would definitely do it again! Maybe tomorrow.

Saturday's Practice

Was supposed to have an early morning practice with my teacher but she cancelled.

so I started my home practice late - at 530pm. but I find that I am enjoying more of this discovery of yoga without the urgency to try hard poses. In a way, this neck injury teaches me to be more patient and open to other important things in practicing yoga. I now have a reason to not overachieve myself.

I did the 5 Surya Namaskara A and B, standing postures, seated:

up until Kukkutasana, then Baddha Konasana, Upavista Konasana. I did bridge for the wheel and a shoulder stand and Plough pose. To build strength of upper back and shoulders I did Dolphin pose.

I nailed Bhujapidasana today. I just reminded my mind about the mechanics - lift butt up and swing head (gently!) down. It worked. I was estatic inside. But I couldn't build the strength to lift up from it just yet.

My Kurmasana is flatter - the knees. Yay!

The jump back and jumpthroughs were sketchy, but getting there. I am enjoying the process of nailing it, instead of obsessing when it will happen. I am also enjoying the breathing in and out, of focusing and maintaining my balance. I find that my yoga practice is more relaxing this way. My left knee is starting to hurt more and more... I find that worrying.

I love the Tolasana pose. I find that it is a great pose to end before the relaxing Savasana. I like to challenge myself by lifting my butt up higher and really working on my bandhas. I also am starting to enjoy the Parsvottasana. It used to be hard but now I find it to be easier.

Practice, practice, practice and all is coming!

Friday Class

I would want to document Friday class first.

I arrived late - which was stressful but I tried to keep calm and just accept things. When I came in - thankfully the teacher allowed me in, she has a strict policy about coming late - I have to get started with one surya namaskara A and one surya B. I did a few seconds in Tadasana just because I needed to calm down. When I joined them they were at Prasarita Padottanasana and my legs weren't fully warmed up. But going into the seated asanas I was already sweating...

One note about Utthita Parsvasahitas is that the teacher has asked us point our raised leg straight at the toes and that has added the intensity and challenge to the pose. I am struggling to keep my arm bent. My balance was shaky. Sometimes I could feel cramps coming in. Also I noticed that I am more steady and stable doing the poses with my left leg raised. Does that mean I'm stronger on my left leg (raised leg) or my right leg (standing?)

I tried to channel the easily smooth flow of the jumpthroughs and jumpback but wasnt happening. the best thing about the seated asanas is that we did the Garbha Pindasana and Kukkutasana and of course (alhamdulillah) I nailed it. It has become easier - the vinyasa - and I am in love with it.

My neck still hurts so I opted for bridge instead of the wheel pose. For once I am glad we didnt do headstand.