second series

yesterday's led was a surprise: teacher decided maybe we should do 2nd series.

 It was crazy. I wasn't really up for it because I know my backbend sucks and I have this crazy fear or snapping them backwards. Plus I was really looking forward for a nice practice with the primary. But well, since it was a major consensus...

 It started out ok. Passasana (however you spell it) was fine, except that I cramped a little at the deeper region of my thigh. Krounchasana was ok, but I couldn't get my leg up close to my face without compromising my back. The bows and the locust was okay, and then came the kapotasana - the first time I tried it, I couldn't even land my arms on the floor because my lower back was feeling all kinds of intense. Then my teacher suggested we tried again, and this time i managed to find the floor, but the intense feeling in my lower back just scared the shit out of me. I flailed wildly to be pulled up.

I feel better when doing the LBH sequence.

I'm frustrated at how bad my body is taking to the backbend but grateful for the slow advancement of it at the same time. It's not as stiff as it was before, thats for sure, but definitely I have a long way to go before I could manage a decent dropback or a kapotasana without the intense feeling in my lower back accompanied by the paralyzing fear in my head. My teacher sad that my progress in doing backbends have something to do with maybe fear... or anger. I have no idea how to interpret that. Could it be true? I somehow refuse to believe that your body mourns the same like your heart. But so many acient yoga texts say the same thing. Maybe there is truth in it. Maybe this is why the acupunturist said that I am crazy. All the energy blockages, the crazy chi readings...

 well. Allah swt knows best.