Ego does it again

I promised myself to not go too far in yoga - but alas, I thin I have.

Reading up on neck injuries relating to Headstand and Shoulderstand, it is obvious that too much weight and pressure on the back nexk (flexion of the neck) would almostinstantly lead to a lifelong, maybe irreversible injury, as taken from Yoga Journal:

What happens if your student forces her neck too far into flexion in Shoulderstand? If she is lucky, she will only strain a muscle. A more serious consequence, which is harder to detect until the damage is done, is that she might stretch her ligamentum nuchae beyond its elastic limits. She may do this gradually over many practice sessions until the ligament loses its ability to restore her normal cervical curve after flexion. Her neck would then lose its curve and become flat, not just after practicing Shoulderstand, but all day, every day. A flat neck transfers too much weight onto the fronts of the vertebrae. This can stimulate the weight-bearing surfaces to grow extra bone to compensate, potentially creating painful bone spurs. A still more serious potential consequence of applying excessive force to the neck in Shoulderstand is a cervical disk injury. As the pose squeezes the front of the disks down, one or more of them can bulge or rupture to the rear, pressing on nearby spinal nerves. This can cause numbness, tingling, pain and/or weakness in the arms and hands. Finally, a student with osteoporosis could even suffer a neck fracture from the overzealous practice of Shoulderstand.

This scares me TO DEATH. I went overboard with my knees and I never will get them back. I told myself to not go too far when doing Primary Series but apparently I have. I shudder at the thought of how many times I feel the weight of my body on the back of my neck as I did the finishing sequence... especially the Urdhva Pandmasana. I currently have limited movements to the sides, up and down. I have only myself to blame and not the teachers (although... I do think that maybe they should have cautioned us on the dangers of these poses... but then again would I listen?)

I believe I did yoga with too much ego. Even though I was doing it on my own, with no one to see and impress, I was subconsciously pushing myself to get better, faster. Who am I kidding? Good teachers take years to learn the primary series and I expect to get it after just months? I deserve to be berated.

My MRI results come out this Saturday. I will do whatever it takes to get better, including a totally modified Finishing Sequence.

First Practice Post Injury

Yesterday was first home practice.

I swore to take it easy. I swore to focus on what I could do, what my body allows and to really appreciate my breathing.

I did a slow and lovely Surya Namaskar A and B, 5 each, not jumping back (to avoid weight and pressure on shoulders) but stepping back instead. I tried to allow my body follows my breathing, to make sure my downward dog isn't sketchy (the breathing). I absorbed everything around me. My cat, etc.

Then I did a slow set of Standing Postures. No pressure, no overstretching. Whatever that feels good, I maintain. My left knee hurts a little bit, but this time I let that pain go. There's nothing I could do for that knee anymore. And I am ok with that.

Standing postures were good, I breathed full 5 breaths. On postures where I think I need more work (Parivrtta Parsva Konasana) I stayed for 6 breaths each. As usual Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana and the next 2 kill me. It was hard enough to make me sweat bad!

I finished with Tolasana. No inversions.

Can't wait to get stronger :)

One Week Off

It's been a week without any practice. My neck/shoulder hurts so bad even sleep or rest was impossible. I go in and out the house merely glancing by at the spot where I dedicatedly practice every day. It feels weird, and I wonder if the flexibility and strength would come easily.

Had MRI for my neck. Whatever the result is I'm pretty sure that I would elude Headstand for a while. I could work on other easier inversions, or pretty much just practice on the Dolphin pose until I strengthened my shoulder and back. I'm pretty apprehensive about Headstand ever since the start and then gained some confidence after but now it's back to zero again. Not to worries.

I'm going to practice and concentrate on my backbends and arm balancing instead.

My yoga insyaAllah will start tonight. If I could. Without the pain.

Disproportionate ME

Yesterday night was home practice. Skipped Mysore class because I felt super tired, wouldn't do good to push myself that morning. Come evening and I was itching to exercise.

This time I did not cheat - a half vinyasa every single side and pose. I skipped the full vinyasa... maybe if I really want to burn more I would do the full vinyasa after Kukkutasana. I found that it gets easier when you don't think too much about the tiredness of it all.

One thing I realized: I have a shorter arm at my right side. I only realized it when I was doing Wheel and trying to straighten my arms and my left side was not fully straight. And when I tried doing the preparatory pose of a putting your head on the floor with your hands cradling your head, my right elbow did not quite reach the floor. I tried doing the modification of Kapotasana, and the same thing. My left arm reaches the wall first, which made the bending back difficult cause I was misaligned.

I would have to ask my teacher about this.

So, home practice: My jump through have improved somewhat. I probably nailed a near perfect jump through 60% of the time. My jump back needs more work, especially the swing through. I need to keep in mind that I should use the swinging momentum (just like in Bhujapidasana) to send my legs through and back. Sometimes it happened; most of the time it didn't. But I wasn't stressing. I have come to learn that in yoga, like any other poses, all you need is practice practice and practice.

As usual struggled a little bit in Utthita Hasta Padanghustasana and the next pose following it. It's just so hard to keep things balanced while keeping your lifted foot pointed. I nailed Bhujapindasana this time... need to work on keeping my feet off the floor while lifting up. I managed to put my feet behind my head sitting up in Supta Kurmasana, but wasn't able to go fully down.

I didn't do headstand... promised myself not to do it until after I get myself checked. But I did the preparatory pose; the Dolphin. Just to strengthen my shoulder. Skipped Setu Bandhasana too, and did the Bridge instead. When I did the Wheel, the disproportion of my arm startled me - especially after I tried other backbending poses. Right now reading up on articles of how to warm your body up to do backbend. Didn't know I have a stiff upper back.

Maybe a Mysore class tomorrow? I don't know...

First Mysore Style!

I guess I can cross that off my list :)

I loved it when I did things unexpectedly. The decision was brief and quick, last evening. I did a very minimal Ashtanga sunday morning before work - just Sun Salutations and the first 3 standing poses and didn't feel it was enough. So I checked out my local yoga center that does Mysore style and it is open for the CNY holidays! I confirmed my participation, and got ready for the class.

Truth to be told, I was nervous about Mysore style practice. So many things I needed to know: can you make a toilet break? Are you supposed to wait for the teacher to guide you everytime even if you knew the coming pose? Can you sit and rest? What happens if you want to stop? I searched the net for questions like these and nobody wrote about them. But I figured well, it's CNY holiday, so not a lot of people are going to come anyway.

I didn't know what to think when I was driving to the center. I purposely kept my mind blank and to just accept anything that comes when it does. Got lost looking for the center - at 640 am in the morning! - and had to google it to find it. It was obscured, small and definitely not flashy. I walked up the stairs and saw already some practitioners deep in their practice.

Ganesh asked me to put my mat (borrowed their mat, brought my own mat towel) in front and left me for a while. I didn't know what to do, so I started in Tadasana, and started to do my Surya Namaskara A. He gently guided me throughout the room, telling me to inhale, lift up and exhale, jump back again and again. His counting was slower than my own, and I relished that. After I was done with A, I stood for a moment not knowing whether I should continue, then I started with Surya Namaskara B. He adjusted my feet and then let me be. He added one extra Surya Namaskara B and I thought he was punishing me for continuing on without his guidance. But then he proceeded to let me be with standing poses.

I was confused at that time whether I should wait for his instructions or continue. Didn't know whether it was rude to continue, or whether it was considered selfish if I expected him to keep guiding me. In the end whatever he could guide me I followed, and if he paused for more than a few moments I continued. No big changes to how I was doing my standing postures back home, except that it was true - you lift up by INHALING. I guess I have to secretly do it while at my Intro class. Also I thought I'd be embarrassed by the fact he was guiding me with the whole studio listening, but it wasn't like that. I AM a beginner, a first timer, they all know that, and some of them were engrossed in their own postures to even care.

Seated postures, I keep on waiting for Ganesh to stop me, considering this is my first time, and I expected him to stop me after Mary D, which I did and he let me. But he asked me to continue to Bhujapidasana and I did. Didn't manage to swivel smoothly down though. The vinyasa to titibhasana, then Bakasana. For the Kurmasana it felt good, and then he adjusted me to Supta Kurmasana, which hurt a little bit as he pulled it in place, but I managed to be bound in that position - head behind my neck!!! It felt nice.

Wondering if he'll ever stop me because I don't really memorize the pose after Kukkutasana, but continued anyway to Garbha Pindasana, which went well. So GLAD for my own home practice! Honestly. Kukkutasana was awesome. Then moved on to Cobblers Pose... onwards. Chakrasana, etc. I only skipped Setu Bhandasana and Headstand.

Doing the Wheel pose was a bit excruciating as he pressed my body up higher. Now I know my target poses - backbends. My spine is tight from the backbends, and it hurt, good hurt. Though. Didn't manage to hold it until his count. So I did the finishing sequence.

All in all, it was good. Great. Felt just like doing it at home, except you have someone to guide you. Would definitely do it again! Maybe tomorrow.

Saturday's Practice

Was supposed to have an early morning practice with my teacher but she cancelled.

so I started my home practice late - at 530pm. but I find that I am enjoying more of this discovery of yoga without the urgency to try hard poses. In a way, this neck injury teaches me to be more patient and open to other important things in practicing yoga. I now have a reason to not overachieve myself.

I did the 5 Surya Namaskara A and B, standing postures, seated:

up until Kukkutasana, then Baddha Konasana, Upavista Konasana. I did bridge for the wheel and a shoulder stand and Plough pose. To build strength of upper back and shoulders I did Dolphin pose.

I nailed Bhujapidasana today. I just reminded my mind about the mechanics - lift butt up and swing head (gently!) down. It worked. I was estatic inside. But I couldn't build the strength to lift up from it just yet.

My Kurmasana is flatter - the knees. Yay!

The jump back and jumpthroughs were sketchy, but getting there. I am enjoying the process of nailing it, instead of obsessing when it will happen. I am also enjoying the breathing in and out, of focusing and maintaining my balance. I find that my yoga practice is more relaxing this way. My left knee is starting to hurt more and more... I find that worrying.

I love the Tolasana pose. I find that it is a great pose to end before the relaxing Savasana. I like to challenge myself by lifting my butt up higher and really working on my bandhas. I also am starting to enjoy the Parsvottasana. It used to be hard but now I find it to be easier.

Practice, practice, practice and all is coming!

Friday Class

I would want to document Friday class first.

I arrived late - which was stressful but I tried to keep calm and just accept things. When I came in - thankfully the teacher allowed me in, she has a strict policy about coming late - I have to get started with one surya namaskara A and one surya B. I did a few seconds in Tadasana just because I needed to calm down. When I joined them they were at Prasarita Padottanasana and my legs weren't fully warmed up. But going into the seated asanas I was already sweating...

One note about Utthita Parsvasahitas is that the teacher has asked us point our raised leg straight at the toes and that has added the intensity and challenge to the pose. I am struggling to keep my arm bent. My balance was shaky. Sometimes I could feel cramps coming in. Also I noticed that I am more steady and stable doing the poses with my left leg raised. Does that mean I'm stronger on my left leg (raised leg) or my right leg (standing?)

I tried to channel the easily smooth flow of the jumpthroughs and jumpback but wasnt happening. the best thing about the seated asanas is that we did the Garbha Pindasana and Kukkutasana and of course (alhamdulillah) I nailed it. It has become easier - the vinyasa - and I am in love with it.

My neck still hurts so I opted for bridge instead of the wheel pose. For once I am glad we didnt do headstand.

Pain in the Neck Asana

Ego hurts.

Ego in yoga hurts you even more.

Tuesday's class - I left the class feeling very serene and calm, a feeling I have yet to achieve when I went to the classes. It's hard to figure out why or what I did that made me come out of the class so relaxed, but I'm thinking maybe it was because I fought hard to focus only on myself, and my breathing, and to not let my ego gets in the way. It did once or twice or thrice, probably because there was a girl in it who was also showing off, and me being 'competitive' I also tried to do it better, longer and stronger. I had to continuously remind myself to stay humble, and focus on myself. I guess it worked because....

I did a full JUMPBACK and JUMPTHROUGH. It happened in an instant - the jumpback. I didn't remember how it felt, didn't even have the time to assess the mechanics of it, and when I did it again it was sketchy at best, but I remember how it felt the first time I got it right. And the jumpthroughs too, it just happened, effortlessly, and without me having to work at it. Of course when I got aware of it and try to remember the movements my feet got stuck through my arms, etc, but at least I knew I got the hang of it.

We did until Bakasana, and I was so happy I went through all and worked out. It was pretty intense, and I think I nearly passed out from the heat inside my body and outside.

But Wednesday morning I ruined it by doing a Sirsasana in the morning, which left me feeling a slight pinch in my neck, and the ache steadily grew into a full blown neck/shoulder pull until right now. I can't move properly and can't turn my neck left and right well. I suspect it IS the Headstand that have been causing - or aggravating - this neck pain. I think I might have compressed my neck vertebrae. All because I push myself to do a Headstand, thinking that if I didn't do it for a while I might have forgotten how.

I am NOT going to do a headstand until I get myself checked. I owe it to myself so much to take care of it and I'm not going to stress how important my neck is. I don't want to turn regret this like I've regretted my knees.

Headstand variations: http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/2768?page=2

Poses that I love

I wish I have the energy these days or the time to workout in the morning.

But I know wishing is not going to transfer strongly as wanting to do it. I will try to sleep early today to wake up earlier tomorrow and do my practice - even if it is Sun Salutations.

I only managed to do Bakasana daily.

My favorite poses to do in the Primary Series:

a) Dandasana - Because I love the fact that I could lift my heels up.

b) Janu Sirsasana B - Because it is a deeeep stretch that really massages my butt, sorry, but it's true.

c) Marichysana D - Because it's the most complex twist... and it feels good.

d) Bhujapidasana - Because it feels awesome... and effortless, and easy. I cannot wait for the day I could effortlessly swing down to the floor without resting my legs on it.

e) Tittibhasana - Just cause. It's challenging, which I like

f) Bakasana - I do this everyday. The easiest thing to do to generate body heat.

g) Kurmasana and Supta Kurmasana - I love these comforting poses. If my legs weren't so tight.. I could stay here forever.

h) Garbha Pindasana and Kukkutasana - Once I got the hang of the vinyasa, I love these two together. The former is a warma and comforting pose while the latter is challenging and fulfilling one.

i) Chakrasana - I don't think it's an asana but a vinyasa. Nevertheless, I like doing it the moment I got the hang of it.

j) Sirsasana - Of course, my love/hate friend.

k) Tolasana - Another version of Kukkutasana.

Can't wait for class tonight!

Lovely Practice

Saturday I quite had a lovely practice.

I felt tired from Friday's butchering of my upper body from the personal session with my yoga teacher. But I woke up Saturday feeling the need to do my practice knowing I would take Sunday off with the arrival of our second kitten. So I started:

5 SN a

5 SN b

Standing Poses

Seated:

Dandasana,

Pachimottasana A, D

Purvottasana

Ardha Baddha Padma Pachimottasana

Triang Mukha Eka Pada Pachimottasana

Janu Sirsasana A, B, C

Marichyasana A, B, C, D

Navasana, Lolasana,

BhujaPidasana

Kurmasana

Supta Kurmasana

Garbha Pindasana

Kukkutasana

All this with a half vinyasa in between each legs, full vinyasa between poses.

I also did Supta Konasana, Setu Bhandasana and Urdvha Dhanurasana without vinyasas.

Finishing Asanas - Salamba Sirsasana with a bit of confidence. :)

why was this lovely?

Because I concentrated on being, On being able to breathe. And I listened to my body, did not force it. I tried to do the tripod headstand and could only lift up my knees until my waist and that was fine. Because I have the whole year to practice.

Practice, Practice, Practice and all is coming.

Tripod Headstand and Dropback

Today's class was amazing. And to be honest one of the most physically exciting yet challenging. I was so tired, I was GLAD that we stopped after Mary D. To be honest I didn't think my arms could take it anymore, with the Chaturanggas and Jump Backs. Initially I was excited that it was only me in the class, thinking I could go up to Kurmasana and Kukkutasana and have her help me, but I was yet again, humbled. Thinking that I could in Primary Series but in reality couldn't even go up after Mary D.

What we did today which blew me away: Tripod Headstand. I DID THE TRIPOD HEADSTAND! Can you believe it? I tried doing it once or twice but couldn't get the strength to lift my knees up straight. The instructor asked me to stop after Prasarita Padottasana D and guided me through my first partially supported' Tripod headstand. She explained to me the position of my hands and head, where it should be like a tripod, and then asked me to try to lift my legs up after I align my pelvis over my neck. I found that I like the legs together version than legs spread apart version. I felt that having your legs together felt easier to lift up than latter. I was also concerned with the weight on my head, but she assured me that it's all normal.

The second time I tried and I lifted my legs by myself and managed to stay in the pose for one second before I lost confidence and toppled. I loved it!

Going to make a habit and to try it, after Salamba Sirsasana.

Second thing that we did: The dropback, or the vinyasa for the Wheel. I was nervous, but the instructor was encouraging. She said if she could support her husband she could support me. I did the dropback and it felt weird as my vision gets disoriented, but it was kinder to my back than doing the Wheel. But I didn't manage to lift up even with her support cause I just didn't get the hang of it. Can't wait to develop my body strength to try this pose again.

Last night did the Primary series as well:

5 Surya A

5 Surya B

Standing Poses

Seated: up until Mary D and Titbhasana and Bakasana.

Tomorrow doing a free yoga class with Ocean Bloom...

No Practice Wednesday

Didn't practice last night... and to be honest I felt bad. Not bad like you missed a training run and would have to make it up, but bad as in I could feel my body growing weaker. Isn't it crazy? I think I'm addicted.

Although I did fit in a couple of Bakasana as always. Feels weird this time. Harder. Maybe I just didn't focus. Wanted to put in a sirsasana but I am on my period. So Bakasana it was, and a couple of Titibhasana. which I think is waayyy easier than Bakasana.

I'm starting to get obsessed with the jump backs and jump through. Tried it at home a few times the way Grimmly did it in his posts, but just couldn't work round the mechanics. He wrote about how his wife just did it easily with no strength whatsoever so I think it must be because we think too much. It's happened before. I can't wait to nail it! I remember the growing frustration when I was learning Bakasana and the thought of it never happening to me and I tell myself that with practice it will come. So will these jump back and jump through.

On the car to work I thought about my current favorite pose. I think it has to be Kukkutasana. I love it including the vinyasa leading to it - the rolling down and up 9 times to represent 9 months in the womb. I even love Garbhapindasana. For me that was a no brainer - it was easy slipping my arms through my legs. I even feet good sometimes cocooned in my own body.

Talking about it makes me itch to practice. will do it tonight, by hook or by crook!

Jump Through and Jump Back

Yesterday's class was nice and relaxing, to be honest. And also humbling. I thought I could rock the class, but in reality my standing poses were jumpy, and my breathing were out of sync. I had promised myself to dedicate this practice at class to my breathing, but apparently I got lost in my own frustrations or effort or struggle that I sometimes hold my breath!

The teacher was focused on having us do the jump back. It was a Lolasana then swing through to Chaturangga. I tried many times but nothing happen. My feet would not sweep through. It was frustrating. I also want to try to do a jump through properly, but somehow my body would not move the way I envisioned it in my mind. I want my shoulders to get past my wrists so my legs could slide through, but well. Nothing happened.

I went back home and tried a few times to lift and swing but my body felt heavy. Same went for my jump through. I did not want to get too obsessed, so I made a promise to myself that I would practice the swing through between poses, and still practice the lolasana between each leg. I think the strength will come naturally.

David Swensen made me feel better:

The final bit of advice I have is to enjoy your practice regardless of the ability to jump through. We tend to place too much emphasis on the external aspects of the practice. These abilities are fleeting at best, and the "real" yoga is what we cannot see.

So my updated target for 2012:

1) master jump through and jump back

2) setu bandhasana and wheel correctly and without pain

3) bhujapidasana

Mysore? Watching the video made me feel intimidated. Maybe later.

On Why Bakasana and Sirsasana Rocks

Tonight will be my first class with my teacher after her 3 weeks break. I can't wait! I owe it all to her for introducing me to Ashtanga. She was already a great teacher when I went to her studio 2 years back. I remember her Hot yoga classes were to die - or to sweat - for. One of her poses that I love is what she calls the Cheongsam - where you lean back on your heels and lift your body off them a few inches. Really works your quads!

Yesterday night I was itching to do some yoga but was too tired after work, preparing dinner, etc. So what I did was just 3 Surya Namaskara A, and my favorite Bakasana and Salamba Sirsasana. I also added Titibhasana just to further work on my wrists.

I do not know why I love Bakasana and Salamba Sirsasana so much, but let me try to dissect:

1) Maybe because Bakasana is one of the most recognizable Yoga poses for me. I think I've seen it to represent Yoga since I was first interested in it. And it looks easy - just balance on your arm, but whenever I tried to do it I couldn't. When Angie made us do it, only Yana could and I didn't even bother to try. I knew I would fall on my face.

But since it's a requisite pose for Primary Series, I got obsessed with trying. I think I practiced it everyday until I got the hang of the mechanics. My husband was right - it's all about knowing how the poses work. And until now it's one of my favorite poses to do, mostly because I work hard for it!

2) Salamba Sirsasana was one of those poses you think you could NEVER ever do in your life... until you tried it once and it was EASY. Your legs just lift up as if they were made of air. That's how it was for me, and I got cocky. I did it everyday, love it until today. But somewhere in the middle I was trying to fine tune the pose (to make my body to be 90 degrees vertical) and I fell backwards a few times. I think that shattered my confidence and right now I'm slowly working on doing the pose with some sort of a support a couple feet behind my back. I know I shouldn't mentally depend on the support but I think it is safer for me. My neck hurts for days when I fell off doing Sirsasana. I trust that time will take care of itself and the perfect pose will come.

I've told you that my target list for 2012 is to:

1) master Jump Throughs and Jump Backs

2) Do a good Setu Bhandasana and Wheel Pose

3) Half Moon Pose

4) Try a Mysore class

if I can do them by Q2, I would be happy but I have no expectations.

Till then!

Third Home Practice: 2 victory poses!

Today was my third Ashtanga home practice. Amazingly, I did it after a 27km bike ride. To tell you the truth, I am exhausted right now!

The thing I noticed when I did my poses the last few days was that if I did them hurriedly, or as a sealing measure before I go to sleep, my practice reflects my state of mind. If I was having a particularly busy and rushed day, I didn't balance well, I was not strong enough to lift up in Lolasana, etc. But usually when I start my practice with the mindset that it's going to be my exercise for the day, things felt nice.

Today's practice wasn't planned. I meant to do a couple of standing postures and a few of the earlier seated poses to stretch my legs after the ride. But since I didn't do the practice fully for 2 days now, I felt why not? Plus the beauty about yoga is that you do it as it comes - you can stop when you want to stop and continue if you feel stronger. As least that's my promise to myself. I want to enjoy yoga, not hate it because I couldn't do the poses.

Sequences today:

Surya Namaskara A

Surya Namaskara B

Standing Postures

Seated Postures - Lolasana in between poses and each leg, sometimes a half vinyasa between poses.

Finishing Sequence.

My focus was half in and half out when doing this - maybe because I had meant to do it as a cool down stretch. I find myself pausing in between poses to reply to text messages and what not. My balance in the Revolved Triangle was a little bit unstable, but better than the previous days.

When I was attempting Bhajupidasana, there was a split second where I could almost feel things working perfectly; my bandha lifting my butt up and head coming down but at the last minute my feet crashed down on the floor. But in that split second I felt the lightness of my feet when I'm in the final pose and understand now why the vinyasa is important. My normal way of putting my feet down and then moving into the intended final pose made my feet seemed very heavy.

Also in Kurmasana - I think my legs went down flatter a little than the previous days! Yeay! Also, thanks to the cycling, my legs were fully stretched and warmed up, so there was not a lot of stiffness. I shall try doing this after a run.

I am now working on Upavisthakormasana - working on maintaining that balance where my spine stays straight and lifted as well as my legs. When I was doing it before, I was hunching my back just so my legs could be straight.

2 biggest joy and celebrations:

I could do Chakrasana! It really is as simple as rolling backwards without thinking. I was too scared to do it and practices only until my legs were over my, but I think last practice I kind of did it quick and it was easy. Today I tried to be in the moment of how my body was working while in that pose. It was wonderful!

My Salamba Sirsasana is quite stable. I moved myself farther away from the support and tried very slowly to lift up and I think I got the hang of it. I only stayed maybe 5 seconds but it was soo worth it. I came down praising Allah swt for giving me this strength to attempt this pose. I was so happy and smiling while doing the Child's pose.

My target pose to nail:

Setu Bandhasana - could never balance well, and my neck hurts sometimes after. I think I am doing it all wrong and needed my teacher's help to guide me and make me understand the science behind this.

Short and Sweet Practice

Last night was my second Ashtanga practice at home.

I had a long day, frazzled, but thank God the traffic was kind. Went to grocery shop for a while and by the time we came back it was already near 10pm. I realized a normal Primary Series would be too energizing at night but I really needed the solace of practice. So I started

5 Sun Salutations A

5 Sun Salutations B

Standing Postures

Pascimattanasana B

Janu Sirsasana B - This one becomes my favorite, it really hurts, the good kind. Plus the heel massages the butt muscle well.

Mary A, B, C, D

Bhajupidasana

Titibhasana

Bakasana

Kurmasana

Finishing Postures

I did all this with only a Lolasana in between every leg and each postures.

- I am slowly working my Kurmasana. When I first did the pose, it was easy and I was flat. But I think my hamstrings are injured or something because now I am tight. I counter back by sitting longer in Kurmasana, just to slowly get my legs flat like it was the first time.

- My Bhajupidasana hurts my left knee from the 'lifting' I did once my head's on the floor. I tried to engage my bandha but don't know if it's working.

- I nearly toppled back in Sirsasana. As usual I am veryy nervous about this post, so different than before. I'm pretty sure because I was getting too cocky about nailing it so easily. And now I'm learning to take it as it is.

Neck Pain and Numb Heel and a Bakasana How-To

My friend told me Google isn't a certified doctor, and true enough, because it has me thinking that I either have a collapsed vertebrae or a heart problem.

My left heel has been numb for a few days now and it's bothering me. Not only that, my entire left side hurts... although not simultaneously. I have a suspicion that it's because of my sirsasana, I fell over a few times in my attempts. I read that the tingling feeling correlates to nerves damage, with could be caused by a crushed vertebrae, which a headstand can bring if not done properly.

I was careful with my headstand; I made sure that my shoulders weren't going towards my elbows, that they were strong and engaged. I followed the tips to keep your heels apart and foot flexed to help my pelvis align straight over my shoulders. But I guess the damage was already done.

Of course, I could be overreacting and this could probably be due to bad sleeping position or pillow. I HAVE been battling sore neck even before doing headstands. So sore neck isn't a big issue as much as my tingly numb left heel. I'm going to get it checked out later.

Yesterday night I didn't get the chance to do any yoga. Except to pull off a few asanas. I did the Bakasana a few times during the day and before I went to sleep. I also did the Shoulder stand only because I was prepping for a Sirsasana. Yep. But I kept it simple and sweet. Wanted to repeat it, but this time I tell myself, a Sirsasana a day is enough.

I want to talk about my journey with Primary Series so far. Why do I love it? Because it's a workout. And because it's challenging, everytime. If it wasn't challenging, it would be relaxing, or a humbling experience. And because my body is changing, getting better, improving. Stamina wise, I would say it didn't increase much; still have to struggle going up the hills when I cycle. But at least it kept my heart pumping.

I also like the discipline. The day in day out routine, never changing. I'm a lover of routine; need it like a baby needs its mother's milk. Especially exercise routines.

My favorite thing since doing this Primary Series is the fact that my upper body is getting stronger. When I was doing yoga with Angie, I couldn't even do a proper Chaturangga and Upward Dog. My arms hurt, and just not strong enough. Forget about the Crane pose. And it wasn't the teacher - we only have class once a week - it was also lack of practice.

When I first started doing the Primary Series (in the Intro to Ashtanga), Bakasana was the bane of my existence. I could do the Shoulder Pressing Pose just fine, could even attempt a half a second of Titibhasana, but could. not. do. the. crane.

So with two weeks off from Yoga as my instructor went for a holiday, I promised myself that I would try every day to attempt doing the Bakasana until I finally get it.

And it wasn't pretty. I think I literally tried for days. Every morning, still in my birthday suit, I would go through all the preparations necessary; the arms shoulder width apart, tucking your knees up through your armpits, lifting your butt up high, looking forward, etc.

I fell forward many many times. Countless. I was prepared and always landed on a pillow I put before I tried the pose. I fell backwards, hurt my wrists, sweated buckets, etc. My husband even tried coaching me, telling me to find that 'balance' where things just naturally fall into place. Yeah, as if it was that easy.

I had to admit I was at times frustrated. I wanted to NAIL this pose so MUCH. I don't know why - ego? achievement? because I have always thought the pose looked cool? Maybe all three. I just knew that if I could nail this I am happy. I have managed to conquer my upper body.

I kept a routine: a few tries in the morning - maybe 5 or 6 - until my wrists hurt and BEFORe I felt seriously discouraged, and again at night, a couple tries. I always just managed to lift my butt up high and one leg up. Keeping the other leg too was the problem.

Until one day, I got it. I just did. I credit this one YoutTube video of a guy explaining the dynamics of Bakasana with all the center of axis and everything. Yep, I guess I am a true blue engineer after all, of all the Bakasana how-tos out there the ones with a physics explanation reeled me in.

He explained this much, and that is how I managed to nail it: Lift your butt up high to offset your axis. Slowly lean forward - the key is to move your shoulders OVER your wrists - and trust me, once your shoulder goes over, your feet naturally will take flight. And then it's all about stabilizing yourself. I usually try to think about keeping my butt high while focusing on my breathing and my gaze. the first time I did it, I only managed to stay for one second. But I GOT the mechanics. I understood it. The next time it was all about keeping myself steady and stable.

Whew... that was a long explanation. Maybe because I am REALLY happy I got to do a Bakasana. And only after nailing it did I understand the concept of Yoga. Your body will let you do the pose when it is ready. You cannot use brute force. You just need to practice, practice and practice. Trust me, practicing WORKS.

First 2012 practice

I did my first 2012 Ashtanga practice yesterday.

After 2 days of not doing yoga, I felt weird. I know it's due to my perfectionist side; I tend to be anal about my workouts, especially if I am training for a race. I also tend to get fidgety and cranky without any form of workout over the period of 2 days - lord knows how my husband learned about that one.

Yesterday I started with the intention of doing a complete Primary Series. Mind you, my 'complete' means doing all the seated poses with a full vinyasa in between, and only a Lolasana between each leg. And I did them all except for one of the last poses - Ubaya Padanghustasana .

1) My Kukkutasana is improving. I remember my earlier days of doing Ashtanga, saw a MySore video of a lady doing what looked like a complicated twisting and turning and in and out. I remembered thinking, man that looked tough! And there I was yesterday, after a week or so of attempts, manage to understand the essence of the pose - the breathing techniques to fully lay back and lift up, the rotation to the sides - that seemed to impossible to me back then. I now only need to work on the finesse - to do a complete 9 times to form a complete circle. The last part of lifting my body on my wrists is my favorite.

2) Sirsasana still tentative. To build confidence I tried to so a second one without the support of a wall, which was successful and relieved me. What I'm worried about is my neck pain - more like pulled muscle. I initially thought its because of my sleeping arrangements and pillow but then again it could be because of my incorrect headstand. My left heel feels numb at times and when I googled it one link said it could be related to nerves due to collapsed vertebrae... which sirsasana could do. Will do more research.

3) I am working on Supta Padangusthasana and Bhijapidasana.

Will write later. I won't forget to thank Allah swt for this gift.